Tree Sitting
by sUnKiSsT
Summary: Unable to bring a teenaged Groot on a mission, the Guardians decide to leave him with Tony Stark - who isn't exactly thrilled at the idea. Post Infinity War (aka everything is fixed) so no spoilers, but there is some swearing.


**Summary: **The Guardians need to leave a teenaged Groot with Tony- who isn't exactly happy with the idea.

**Notes: **I wanted to write something light, and this idea popped up. Highly unlikely I know, but I thought it might a funny. Takes place after the Thanos business and everything is fixed!

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**Tree Sitting**

"Seriously, we'll be back in five, okay maybe seven…alright fifteen hours tops. We just need to take care of something on…"

Tony ignores the name of the planet or sun or whatever the hell Peter Quill is trying to tell him. His dark eyes are solely focused on the sullen tree, yes _tree_, that is currently scuffing the ground with his feet – _roots? _Whatever, it doesn't matter because what the fuck? "You want me to babysit your tree?" He repeats, forcibly pulling his eyes away from said tree and focusing back on the man before him.

The rest of Quills merry band are grouped around him. Tony easily recognizes them from Titan, but he can't really remember their names because well, it had been on goddamn Titan and he'd rather forget everything about that place. He remembers Quills first name for one obvious reason, but the rest are firmly buried in some far dusty corner of his brain labelled 'who cares?'.

Rocket is glaring at him, and okay, yeah – he remembers the racoon, but that's because Rocket had helped him build a few things between Titan and fixing that whole mess. It had been some good, no _great_ \- and extremely useful shit, too. "Groot," He amends hastily, because honestly, he kind of likes the racoon and he sort of remembers that Rocket and the tree are friends, "You want me to look after Groot…because?"

Gamora lets out an exasperated sigh, and hey, he remembers her name too – go him! "We have business on a fire planet, and it isn't worth risking Groot for what will be a simple mission." She snaps out impatiently.

The big blue guy adds in bluntly, "He will burst into flames and burn to ash the moment we touch the surface, it will be horrible."

Beside Tony, Groot mutters under his breath and rolls his eyes. Tony has absolutely no idea what he's saying, but the other Guardians all gasp and Quill snaps out, "Don't be rude!"

"What did he say?" Tony asks, annoyed and impatient.

"He said that he doesn't want to stay here, that you stink of grease and metal and –" The big guy starts to explain, but Gamora promptly elbows him in the ribs and effectively cuts him off.

"He said that he's excited to stay here, and that you smell great." Quill supplies loudly, trying to be heard over the blue dudes gasps and Gamora's sharp scolding.

Tony rolls his eyes at the weak cover – does he look like he was born yesterday?

"Look – I'm really busy –" Okay, so that isn't exactly true, "Parker is supposed to be flying in tonight to help me with…something –" A complete lie, "…and I don't think I'm qualified to handle a teenaged angsty tree." Truth. Absolute fucking truth.

"Well, that's actually why we thought you'd be best!" Quill says cheerfully, slowly edging back towards his ship, "Since you're so good with Parker and all, I mean, you have the most experience with teenagers out of any other person we've met on Earth…"

"You really need to meet more people, it's a big planet you know – I bet there is even a tree sitting service out there. Have you tried a local greenhouse?" Tony asks, he's kidding – okay, maybe only partially. He moves forward, away from the sullen Groot and towards the group of Guardians that are now only a few scant feet away from the landing pad. "Wait a minute!" He barks, even as everyone hurriedly disappears into the bowels of the ship.

Quill, with Rocket on his shoulder, are last to board. "Thanks a million!" He grins, before his face turns serious and he points a finger over Tony's shoulder, "Groot – behave for the nice Iron Man, no impaling or video games. I mean it! Rocket – tell him."

Rocket shrugs, his pointed teeth gleam as he grins at Tony, before addressing his friend, "Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

The ships roars to life, and Tony's protests are drowned out as they disappear – he thinks about suiting up for a brief fraction of a second, before dismissing the idea as an overreaction. _It's only one tree, how bad could it be? _He turns toward Groot with this thought and finds him stomping on the decorative walkway that leads away from the landing pad and back towards his rebuilt Malibu mansion.

Well, at least it _was _a walkway – Tony muses as he watches from a safe distance, eyes widening when a chunk of stone the size of his chest goes flying at least 30 feet.

Well, fuck.

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_Thanks for reading!_


End file.
